Holy Crap He Just Rode a Bike

OK he's seven so it isn't that remarkable in the greater scheme of "first time bike riders". But I kid you not that there is a tear in my eye right now and a relief that runs bone deep that only another parent of a bike-phobic kid can understand.

Night after night there were heatedly negotiated 10 minutes of "bike time". All of our neighbors were privy to the screams of terror as the bike rolled 1/2 inch without enough support. We took every one's how-to-teach-a-kid-to-ride-a-bike advice to no avail. As the bike toppled again and again to the ground amidst tears, my fears of "can my baby even do this?" constantly battled with my bad mommy thoughts of "man up, you baby!" It wasn't like this with his sister. A few falls and off she went.

He didn't want it. I did.

I mean it. He didn't care if he ever rode a bike or not. He was just terrified and that was enough to say "no bike, no way". But you can't give into your fears, can you? Can a parent let that happen? If he never rode a bike he might not ever rise to any challenge he meets in life. His whole future could hang on getting up on two wheels. Why couldn't he see this?

Bribery failed. Comparisons to friends and younger children failed. The following conversation/argument played out time and again. Like a CD set on continuous play.

"But whyyyyyy Mommy? Why do I have to ride a bike?!!" screamed through tears.

"Because you do."

"But why??"

A fair question met with an unfair answer. "Because I said so!"

It's for the best. Right? He'll learn and thank me one day. Right? When he's 35 and on his shrink's couch he'll understand why. He'll know it was in his best interest and not just to torture him. Won't he?

I met a girl once who was 17 years old and she couldn't ride a bike. Her mom said she tried when she was six. She fell off and said she wouldn't get back on. Now she was 17 and still couldn't ride a bike.

I judged that parent that day. How could any parent let a kid give into his fears? That of course was years before my kids were even out of diapers. At one point I had judged the parents of kids who kicked the back of airplane seats too. I had lived to regret those thoughts and become one of those parents.

I was wrong to judge the Bike Mom. Trust me I now understand how you can't stand to see the fear in their eyes anymore. How you begin to not see the blurry line between "best for them" and"something you want". Until you walk a mile in the shoes of a parent bent over holding the seat of their terrified kid learning to ride a bike you will never understand.

So today L rode a shaky line down the middle of the rode. We have a way to go but we have gotten over the "will he/won't-he" hump and can just coast down the other side to the "when" conclusion. And I can breathe a sigh of brief relief. I am not confident anymore that "you must ride a bike to live a fulfilled life" but I am thankful L won't have to test the theory either. Whew!

Now as for shoe tying ... will the shrink judge me when my 35 year old son is lying on his couch in velcro z-straps?

Continue reading...

The Most Stressful Day of the School Year

No I'm not talking about standardized tests. I talking Picture Day.

Every year the night before Pictures I make sure the kids have chosen what they want to wear and have it all laid out. Granted it makes for a late night of fashion shows and "what do you mean I can't wear the [wrinkled, sweaty] shirt I wore to bed last night?" But for a peaceful ,easy morning it is worth it. Right????

Why, oh why, do we end up in a mad dash the next morning?

Because the Duncans can never actually be prepared. We must change our clothes at the last minute searching for that "you know the shirt from last spring with the thingies on it". No, I don't know!

We must insist on eating breakfast fully dressed only to smear cream cheese on the only shirt in the world that can be considered acceptable for Picture Day then cry when I insist on a change.

We must remember that "oops I did have math homework last night". A particular favorite of mine especially when combined with tears and "my teacher is going to kill me". She won't but I wouldn't count me out right now, Missy!

We must complain that "we hate our hair". Which BTW is G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S! Or worse yet go with the "its fine" when it is clearly a "rat's nest". Yes, I have one of each. Jealous?

We must spend precious "the-school-bus-is-coming" minutes deciding on the perfect pose for our Picture. And the perfect smile - teeth or no teeth?

One more last minute change. Another "God I hate my hair". Then as the bus rumbles up the road my cherubs dash to the bus as I chase them down with payment envelopes in hand. BTW I'm in my pj's and sporting my own rat's nest!

All for what? I don't scrap book. We don't even use school pictures on our walls. We're more partial to candid snapshots. We're talking hours of angst over a picture that will be thrown in a drawer.

Can't wait until next year!

Continue reading...

We decided to Hold - Just Deal With It

My youngest was born 7 years ago August 15. Hours after delivery my sister-in-law asked me "Are you going to send him to Kindergarten or hold him when he is five?' I looked at her like she was crazy and rolled my eyes. As the years passed in a blink though I began to grasp the enormity of the question.

L makes the school age cutoff by a mere 16 days. Depending on what we decided he would either be the oldest or youngest in his grade. Our decision "to send" or "not" and the repercussions of both could affect his self-esteem and school success for years, maybe for life. For a while it felt like L's whole life would be defined by what we decided. Total stress!

We finally decided to hold him and begin kindergarten late. At 7 and 2 weeks he just started first grade. Which BTW is the cause of an untold number of unsolicited opinions from friends, family and oddly enough complete strangers. It seems like everyone has a strongly held opinion on the subject of "to-hold-or-not-to-hold" and I apparently look like I want to hear it. I don't.

"We sent our daughter and she has done just fantastic. She is president of her class and is getting all straight A's....." - This comes from parents who decided to send their children even though they fall very close to the cutoff. Somehow our holding L is a challenge to their decision. If it worked for them then we should assume it would have worked for us and we are doing L a dis-service by holding him.

"So your kid is 1 year older than everyone?" - This typically comes from parents who have children in the later half of the year and feel we are giving our son some sort of unfair advantage thereby directly making their kid's journey through school more difficult.

"We didn't hold our son in kindergarten and now in middle school he is struggling socially. We're seeing behavior issues as he tries to keep up with an older crowd. You are totally doing the right thing." - This comes from parents who decided to send their children even though they fall very close to the cutoff and for whatever reason they think they made the wrong decision.

"He's so smart. He'll be bored." - This typically comes from grandparents, relatives and friends who think today's parents over-protect our children. Back in their day you played the hand you were dealt. We are therefore coddling L.

Right or wrong we held him. That was our decision. I know it seems crazy but your child did not come into our decision making process. We did research and based OUR decision on OUR child, OUR circumstances and OUR values.

Not that it matters but we're talking 16 days. I have no way of knowing where the other path would have taken us. I am tired of having to justify the path we're on. It has been three years can we just move on? I truly and sincerely wish you the best on your path but stay the hell off of ours.

Continue reading...