Happy Mothers Day: to those of us learning on the job

My biggest secret in life is that I feel I have no clue what I am doing almost all the time. From my perspective it appears that all the other mommies in suburbia with the 1.9 kids and mini vans have a key that unlocks this mysterious world of mommyhood that I didn't get. Or more likely did get but lost in my overflowing "to be filed" pile.

Very early on in mommyhood I learned to just go with the flow, learn what you can from observation and punt if you have to.

At 2 1/2 years of age my daughter, M, informed me, while she was playing in the tub, that you can't put money in your 'gina. Immediately the following thoughts raced through my head:

1. Good point.
2. Did someone tell you this rule or was it discovered by trial and error?
3. Is this a rule that every good mommy already knows? And what other rules am I missing?
4. Holy crap. What should I say in response to that!!!

ME: "Well, you really shouldn't put anything in your vagina." Very proudly using the correct vernacular for the female body part. How modern parenting of me?! Keep in mind I was still six months away from M nearly killing an 83 year old lady in the grocery store from a heart attack by screaming in her face "My Vagina is Killing Me!" In M's defense she was wedged up against the safety bar in the front of the grocery cart with a package of diapers shoved in behind her.

Back in the tub my daughter thinks over my advice. I can see the wheels turning as she takes in this new knowledge. After a full minute of processing it she says. "Well you can put these two fingers in if you're cleaning it."

I assume most other mothers would be prepared for this conversation. I wasn't and hence started what would be my back up strategy for all future mind-freak conversations. I punted plus thankfully used a big word for a 2 year old.

ME: "You don't have to be so thorough in cleaning. Just do the outside."

M: "What's thorough?"

Good. A definition question. I can handle that. Whew! Back on solid ground.

Happy Mothers Day! Both to those who know what they are doing and also to those of us still learning on the job.