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And The Winner Is...

Oh, to be nine years old again! To giggle and scream, run and play as if your life depended on it. This weekend we hosted a Kids Choice Awards Slumber Party for my nine year old daughter's birthday. What a total blast!

That is Molly in the middle with the silver glitter sun glasses on her head and the trench coat. Here the girls are enjoying the (sparkling grape juice) Champagne and Pizza reception as they pick out jewelry and shades. Can you see the Orange Carpet in the background? As opposed to the the Oscars' Red Carpet the Kids Choice Awards has an Orange Carpet.


Each of our celebrities was asked to leave their hand prints next to their star on our Walk of Fame. These would be taken home later and hung on bedroom doors I am told.


With all those famous stars on hand security was tight. We used the movie industry giant Little Brother's Security Firm. If you weren't a celebrity you weren't getting through that door. Grandma was even sent through the garage.

Everyone got a chance to walk the Orange Carpet through throngs of screaming fans and paparazzi.

Out of their glamorous paparazzi attire the girls donned fun clothes and shower caps for the beginning of the slime games. Icky green oatmeal played the part of the famous Nickelodeon Green Slime. One of the girls said, "It looks like throw-up." To which we answered, "What do you mean LOOKS LIKE?" Only a nine year old can truly appreciate good bathroom humor.


Let the Slime Games Begin!


Inside for a quick change into PJs, a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday and some birthday cherry pie (b-day girl is not a cake fan) then into the makeshift movie theater (family room converted with a projector) for the 10 second count down to the 2009 Kids Choice Awards. As the winners were announced horns were blown in agreement or a flurry of boos and dissenting comments filled the air. After the awards the girls headed downstairs for some dancing, nail polish and all around goofiness. I think the last head hit the pillow sometime after 1:30am. Whew! What a party!!!

Happy Birthday Molly! May all your dreams come true. You are an amazing person full of joy and compassion. I would proudly call you a friend had I not already been blessed to call you daughter.

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That Bites!

I do hope the Boston Globe article below isn't a case of "thou doth protest too much." But it does make you wonder when the Head Mistress of Boston's most prestigious high school feels obligated to address the otherwise laughable issue formally in writing.

Mar. 26, 2009 BOSTON -Apparently, it’s not the bloody truth. After stories spread that vampires were strolling the campus of Boston Latin School, the headmaster of the prestigious college-prep school put a stake in the rumors. Lynne Mooney Teta sent a notice out Thursday to faculty, students, and parents denying the presence of bloodsuckers. She declined, however, to offer details about the rumors.

Boston Police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said police were called to the school Wednesday after hearing of the vampire tales. Chrispin said he didn’t know if the alleged vampires were among the student body or hiding in old corners of the building. The school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, Louis Farrakhan, and Sumner Redstone.

I know the mere fact that someone feels they must deny something makes that something appear possible. The other day I got a voicemail from my Kindergartner's teacher simply saying, "Please call me I have something to discuss." There was no "dun, dun, dunnn..." type background music but I just got this my-angel-has-been-devilish feeling.

So that night I ask him why his teacher was calling me. He responded with "I didn't do anything." Too bad for him because the mere fact that he denied something he hadn't even been accused of let me know I was looking at one guilty 6 year old.

Turns out he and a buddy were deep into a boy-type humor session when my little bundle of joy was overheard by the teacher saying in a deep voice, "Tell me what I want to know or I'll throw you out the window." The teacher heard this as a threat and boom - a privilege revoked and call home. Never mind that (a) the 2 were kidding around, (b) the other kid actually found the conversation hysterically funny for some only-boys-know-why reason, (c) my son can't pick up a chair let alone another child, and (d) they were on the ground floor which I am told by my 6 year old is why it was so funny in the first place. But my theory on how our "educational system" is raising wimps not able to find their way out of a paper bag let alone cure cancer or compete on an international playing field will have to wait for another session for I have a garlic necklace to make.

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Something New Learned

You should learn something new every day then I guess you can go back to bed.

The economy sucks and the government is thinking give money away, tax less, tax more and of course creating committees. Basically same old ideas just being thrown out there with no real idea of their ability to turn things around. Time to think outside the box as American Airlines apparently did in 1987.

Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class: $440,000

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Where Did I Go Wrong?

Right this instant I am flabbergasted! Actually, totally beside myself in mind bending disbelief is more accurate.

The six year old is walking around asking something or other because he is six and is always asking something. Can we go to a hotel right now? Can I watch TV on Tuesday four weeks from now until midnight? Can I have pizza for breakfast every day until I'm ten? Who is your favorite mythical creature? Would you rather be eaten by a shark or fire ants? Real mind benders - you get the picture. And to be honest I was out late last night at a friend's house with more than my fair share of red wine consumed then up at 6:00am this morning driving my mom to the airport so I am going with the ever popular "what do you think" or "let's see" type of responses from the trusty mom tool kit. I do notice, however, as he walks by a wet spot on the back of the leg of his pants. Since my mental processing is not operating at full capacity right this moment, I can't quite comprehend how a bathroom accident could have resulted in a wet spot in that strategic location. But who knows what can happen? I, myself, pee sitting down and I am proud to say hit the mark pretty much every time. Fifty percent of my household though pees standing up and without getting graphic let's just say that I desperately miss my house cleaner. Damn this economy! Upon asking what said wet spot could possibly be, I am told that his 8 year old sister spit on him.

"She what?"

"Spit on me."

"She SPIT on you????"

"Yep. That's what I said."

Are you getting this? My one month shy of 9 years daughter spit on her brother. Up she comes from the play room. And you will be happy to hear her reasoning.

"I didn't try to spit on him."

Well, that's a relief. What was she "trying" to do? You're gonna love this. I know I did. Apparently she had (and I am quoting here) "those sticky boogery things" in her throat and was spitting them out. Spitting them out where you ask. Well, on the floor of course. What the F***! I know my mental processing is slow right now but how in any sane way could she actually think this is what you'd do? Correct me if I'm wrong but first choice would be into a tissue in the bathroom. Any of the following would also do: into the sink, the toilet, maybe the garbage, or possibly even out the back door if you must. But on the floor? OMG!!! Apparently she was really tired from a sleepover and just couldn't muster the strength to alleviate her sticky boogery throat in a less disgusting manner.

Is this how it happens? A before and after moment when you realize - Holy Crap! We're THAT family. The ones you see on "Dr. Phil". They live in unbelievable squalor with feral children running all around eating with their hands from the overflowing, maggot-filled trashcans. You always wonder with your head shaking in a sympathetic yet superior fashion how did they get this far gone? I bet it started in many cases with an otherwise intelligent, kind and beautiful child hawking snot loogies onto the playroom carpet and thinking that's what people do. I know for a fact that "non-THAT family" people don't see this as acceptable because up until a few minutes ago I thought I was one of them.

Should I write Dr. Phil for an intervention now or wait for the maggots? I think I'll wait. Maggots do make for better TV.

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Happy St. Patrick's Day the Mom Way

Not exactly the green beer and eggs of my twenties but still pretty much in the spirit of the day. Clover shaped pancakes sprinkled with the ever popular green dinosaur sugar thingies, green milk, the good family jewelry and a special guest, Clover the bear. As I run to the crock pot to pop in the corn beef and cabbage for this evening my Irish Nana is probably rolling over in her grave. Welcome to St. Patrick's Day as a mom in 2009.

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been
the foresight to know where you're going
and the insight to know when you're going too far.

Amen to that.

And for later after the kiddies go to bed and you're hoisting a green beer to your lips I offer this Irish toast.

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Happy St. Patty's Day to you and yours!

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The Edge of The World

Standing on the rocky Rhode Island shore on a windswept Sunday morning we felt like we were alone at the edge of the world. The ocean spread out before us as far as the eye could see. Molly and Liam scampered over the rocks uncovering all their mystery and wonder as only young children can. A fossil was found and would be lugged back to the civilized world by a six year old paleontologist already practicing his account of how after millions of years by his estimate it ended up in his unbelievably lucky hands. Pocketfuls of shells were painstakingly selected on their first step to becoming a necklace at the hands of an eight year old artist. The birthday boy whose 42nd year of life was the cause for this outing appeared to shed 35 years scurrying as an exuberant equal among the children over the rocks in search of hidden treasures of his own. The oldest of the crew he'd be the only one to get wet by the incoming waves when his boyish curiosity lured him way too close to the the edge. A fact that had the rest of us in stitches. I myself spent much of the time trapped behind the lens of a camera in my never ending attempts to capture nature's pure beauty and raw power. A losing battle on any day the fates intervened here with the dying of batteries and I too was soon lost among the rocks and pounding surf in search of my own discoveries. A lone rock cairn perched a top a gray outcropping gave the only proof that we were not in fact the first to visit this magical place. Who knows who built it or why? But I thank them. For it now stands as a monument to our brief but beautiful time together at the edge of the world where we played with wild abandon and truly lived in the moment.

The Cairn

The Artist and Birthday Boy lost in their own thoughts.

The Paleontologist ever on the hunt for his next discovery.

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All Registered for Summer Camp

This year Molly is going to turn nine and will be old enough for over night camp. We are opting for a 5 night ecologically focused camp. To be honest I don't know who's more excited she or I?

Man, did I love summer camp when I was a kid! Archery, campfires, swimming, capture the flag, boating, new friends, ropes courses and NO parents!! Totally awesome! I am so excited for her.

Back in the day I went to an all girls camp for a week or two every summer. As my mom tells it I came home covered in dirt with the biggest smile and hours and hours of stories. Sounds about right to me.

Camp was cool. I remember the year we slept in a platform tent and had to rent mosquito netting for $2/week. The parents of this girl Karen didn't cough up the $2 and decided a face full of Deet would do the trick instead. By the first morning her face was three times its original size with a zillion bug bites. Karen spent a night or two in the infirmary then came back with a mosquito net of her own. Of course this was way before the over-protective parent came into fashion. No one thought twice about poor Karen's health or her slightly negligent parents. Good Times!

Another year the session was two weeks. Unbeknownst to us campers, every morning at breakfast the director sent counselors to all the tents and cabins (150 in all) and ranked cleanliness. At the end of the first week my tent mates and I were surprised and I remember quite honored to be awarded the "messiest tent" designation. Our prize/punishment was to "slop" the pigs daily. Slop is great stuff. At our camp it was a vat full of the left overs from every ones plates scraped together into this congealed mass. Picture the drain at the bottom of your kitchen sink after dinner dishes. Bits of food of every texture, color and smell all wet and slimy. Now visualize this multiplied by 500 and dumped into a less than clean 5 gallon bucket. Umm. Memories. After breakfast the five of us with Rob, the handyman, would haul this slop up the hill to the resident pigs. Clara, the mom pig, was humongous and she had 5 very large piglets - Huey, Dewey, Luey, Snoopy and Pinkie. Once you got used to the mud, muck and smell they were really quite cute. I remember like it was yesterday the last time we saw Clara and her adorable family. Saying goodbye was hard and tears were shed. As we left we asked Rob, "How long have the pigs been pets?" He laughed and told us they weren't pets but were raised every year, fatted up, then slaughtered by the owner for a huge Christmas dinner. As I said before Good Times!

Then there was the time that Sarah was my partner and I saved her life. Sarah was always my partner that summer on account of the red bag she had tied around her neck. The bag held a needle of medicine that Sarah had to receive within minutes of being stung by a bee or die. So in the imminent wisdom of the camp and with no notification to my own parents; I, a mere 10 year old, was shown what to do in the event of a bee sting and assigned as Sarah's permanent partner. Nothing was supposed to happen because we were almost always with a counselor and they knew what to do. But on a walk back from the showers one afternoon Sarah and I met up with a bee. She freaked out and was stung. I gave her the shot then got the nurse just like I was told to do. Sarah ended up being fine but left camp nonetheless. I'll say it again...Good Times.

As a mom these memories scare the shit out of me. But I lived through them as a kid and really didn't think twice about any of them at the time. Why send my kid to camp if this is my base of experience? Because 2009 is not 1979 and these crazy memories are more than overshadowed by all the really good stuff:

roasting marshmallows
care packages from home
swimming across the lake
snipe hunts
camp songs
Popsicle stick art
kickball
staying up all night giggling
50's Sock Hop dances
twin look alike competitions
night hikes through the woods
sneaking across the road to spy on the boys camp
talent shows
sailing
animal safaris
the mile high ropes course
capture the flag when we beat the boys camp
And hours and hours of pure childhood joy!

Have the time of your life Molly!!! I can't wait to hear all your stories.

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The Perfect Birthday Gift Quest

Hubby's birthday is on Thursday and I am still trying to come up with the perfect idea. Birthday presents with meaning are the best to receive and the hardest to come up with to give. As I puzzle over his gift I came across this touching story about a gift for an 84 year old woman. It will definitely have you rethinking the quick stop to the mall for a gift.

Saturday, March 7, 2009 (AP) -- BUCKHEAD RIDGE, Fla. — What do you get an 84-year-old lady for her birthday? That's what Carol Brown was thinking a few weeks ago. Her mother, June Pearce, was turning 84. The idea of buying and giving more stuff just didn't appeal to Brown.

Pearce lives in a slow-paced retirement area near Lake Okeechobee in rural Florida. She's been married to the same man, Fred, for 64 years. Pearce is a wife and a mother. She's had a few strokes, which have robbed her mind of short-term memories. Lung cancer has claimed much of her strength. But one memory has stuck with her: riding on the back of a boy's motorcycle in the 1930s. "I wasn't scared at all," Pearce remembers. It was exciting, possibly one of the most thrilling moments of her life. Pearce remembered sliding off the bike and the pain of scraping her leg, but loving it just the same. She told this story so many times that Brown can recite it by heart. "It was during the depression," Brown said. "Not a lot of excitement happened then."

Brown thought of that story as she racked her brain, wondering what to do about the birthday. Then she had an idea. "Come Give Granny A Ride On Your Hog," she typed into an ad on Craigslist.

In the Internet posting, Brown asked if anyone would be willing to ride out and give Pearce a ride for her 84th birthday. She got one response, from a man named Ron Borowski. He said he'd ride his Harley-Davidson Low Rider — electric blue, with dark blue flames and a chrome kickstand shaped like a skeleton's foot — from his house in Palm Beach County to June and Fred Pearce's home, some 65 miles away.

"My mom passed away from cancer, so the ad touched me," said Borowski, 45. "I just figured it would be an adventure."

Brown told her mom the day before, and June Pearce spent the day calling everyone she knew to tell them about it. Brown's two grown daughters also showed up to celebrate. After all, it might be June Pearce's last birthday, since a doctor told her in September there was nothing more they could do for her cancer. On Friday, Pearce spent most of the afternoon walking up and down the driveway, waiting for Borowski. Just about 5 feet tall, Pearce's white hair matched her white cardigan, which was embroidered with butterflies. She wore pink glasses, which matched her pink frosted nails. Just before 4 p.m., Borowski thundered into the driveway, followed by a buddy riding a big, silver Honda.

"I'm your chauffeur today," Borowski said, grinning and taking off his helmet. He was wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a leather vest. Pearce's eyes widened. She made her way slowly toward the bike and touched the seat. Everyone made small talk for a while and Fred Pearce showed a sepia-tinged photo of the family's upstate New York home he and his wife built with their hands many decades ago. Then Borowski asked June Pearce if she wanted to take a ride. Pearce shook her head — how on earth would she ever get on the bike? "No way," she said firmly.

Pearce is a feisty woman, prone to swearing and stubbornness. Brown, Borowski and the granddaughters looked at each other. Had Borowski driven all this way for nothing? Maybe, thought Brown, her mother was just embarrassed that she wasn't able to straddle the bike on her own. Borowski, Brown and the granddaughters said they'd help her on. Pearce ran her hands on the black leather and, with a bit more coaxing, sat on the bike near the tank. She allowed her leg to be swung over the seat and then Borowski gently lifted her onto the back.

"I wish I was a lot younger," Pearce said, adjusting her helmet. Borowski climbed on. "Hold on tight," he said, and started the motor. The bike was so loud the grass near the driveway vibrated. Brown felt her heart thumping loudly out of excitement — and a bit of fear that Pearce would fall off.

Pearce's husband watched from a few feet away. "I've got all of my fingers crossed for her," he said. There were tears in his eyes; for the last three years, he's been caring for her through her chemotherapy and radiation. "I've been lucky to keep her alive," he said softly. "I hope this gives her another six months."

June Pearce wrapped her arms around Borowski's chest and he took off, slowly. They went around the block twice, past the retirees watering their lawns, past the pastel colored mobile homes — and Pearce wore a tiny smile as they rumbled into the driveway.

"What we're giving today is a memory," said Brown. "She's not going to get rid of it in a garage sale, break it or throw it away. Memories are the best gifts, I think."


Time is ticking closer to Thursday and I'm still pondering Steve's perfect gift. At least I have this Craiglisting "Come Give Stevie A Ride On Your Hog" idea in my back pocket.

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My Personal Battle

I have my sights set. It's a monster I am determined to conquer. I've battled this foe many times in the past and today it stands covered in whites. On other days in the not so distant past I was met with every color of the rainbow. No matter how many times I slay this beast it returns with a vengeance. I will not be deterred in my quest. However, I may be delayed in entering the conflict. I have many pressing responsibilities that pull at my attention. He knows this and waits silently. Growing stronger and bigger with each passing day. So I must wrench myself away from the Illumined One with its pleas to peruse its vast intelligence in search of the holy grail and enter the battle yet again. Pray for me.


OK. So I am wasting yet another morning playing on the computer as my ever increasing laundry pile mocks me from the laundry room. But alas! Today the call of clean underwear, where as of this moment there is none, is louder than the call of cyber space. I must bid you farewell until we meet again.

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Cookbooks Are Better Than Scrapbooks

Did you know that Ella Fitzgerald, the First Lady of Song and queen of jazz vocals, collected cookbooks? After she died in 1996 twelve cartons of her cookbooks were donated to the Schlesinger Library on the Radcliffe campus at Harvard University.

I read an article years ago about how Ella loved to collect cookbooks from where ever she went. What I remember most about this article was that it talked about how she wrote in her cookbooks. She had a grading system for recipes she loved, liked or hated. Additionally, she'd write a note about when and with whom she made a certain dish. She noted celebrations, dinner parties and casual get-togethers. When books were borrowed she'd encourage the borrower to make notes as to their feelings about the dish, if they changed anything and how it worked, in addition to where they served it and with whom. The end result was a wonderful collection of memories set amongst a collection of recipes that span the globe and many decades.

After reading that article I started doing the same thing in my own cookbooks. I forget to do it from time to time but have decided to make more of a concerted effort going forward. It really is cool to pull out a recipe and have a reminder of the last time you used it. Parties, family celebrations and meals with good friends are all recorded among my recipes.

Why am I musing on cookbooks today? Could it be that I started the Fat Flush Plan yesterday and am sitting here sipping the 27th ounce of the 64 daily ounces of unsweetened cranberry water I have to swig back today? Hmmm...there may be a connection.

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Something New Learned

You should learn something new every day then I guess you can go back to bed.

"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia" is the fear of long words.

I love irony. Don't you?

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Like the New Look?

Still on the spring theme just not as desperate for the season as the shocking yellow and pink. Even though I am sitting with a fresh foot of snow outside my door, the brief glimpse of my dead lawn emerging from the melting snow last week mixed with the ever lengthening days have lifted my fear of a never ending winter. I can now patiently await spring's return.

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